Bullying

All my life I’ve been a target for bullying. In primary school it was mostly immature bullying like I had a moustache – from my red skin condition, to adding a no to the front of my last name (no-brain), to the fact I was only close to only one friend, who happened to be female so I was known as gay. I’m not going to lie, I was different even then. I didn’t mix very well with other children, I went through puberty faaaar too early for me and I had an undiagnosed chemical imbalance in the brain which meant I could be manic or depressed on any day.

In high school it was more pronounced bullying. Picking on who I sat with at lunch, the fact the start of my email was erbrain and the fact that for the first time in their lives they weren’t the one being picked on. I sat alone, up the front of class and pretended everything was fine. People tended to only sit with me if they were having a fight with their friends in the class but I was thankful for any company.

At the end of each day I’d come home and sit and stare into space – dreading the next day at school. All my family knew something was wrong but they didn’t know what to do about it and I didn’t communicate very much. Occasionally I would go to the sickroom complaining of painful period pain, headache, nausea – anything to make the real pain cease for an afternoon. I knew Mum got disappointmented when I did this so I restricted it to only a few times.

I started to notice strange things were happening around me, more people were getting killed on the news, more kids were being diagnosed with cancer, there was even more poverty going on in Africa and I blamed me. I was a horrible demon possessed by the devil.

One day in woodwork someone wrote my initials on the wall of the classroom, quite large with a compass while we were out doing the prac. When the teacher asked who’d done it there was silence – then in my tiny voice I have whenever I’m depressed I said, “I did it.” I could feel shocked eyes boring into my back. They all knew exactly who’d done it but I’d taken the blame. I wanted to be punished and punished severely. I know what you’re thinking. Why would any kid want to have their parents rung up and given internal suspension for days but I needed punishment. Today was one of the days I went home sick and Mum questioned me.

“What’s wrong, Em? I’ve wrung up the school, I’ve tried to get you to speak to the councellor but you’re still depressed and out of character.”

“Someone’s after me, Mum, I’ve done all these bad things and I deserve to be punished.”

“What do you mean?” she asks in a small voice.

“I want to die, Mum.”

After a trip to the GP for advice, Mum took me to the hospital. After spending ages in hospital I was diagnosed with Bipolar Affective Disorder. Yes this disorder was going to come out sooner or later but I believe if I hadn’t been bullied I wouldn’t have ended up suicidal.

People who are bullied are too afraid to share their story, that is why all Tasmanian readers will have the opportunity to share their story – right here. The deepest story I will give a free ticket to the documentary Bully at Village Cinemas – spill your guts. Bullying should not be tolerated and is nothing that should be sweeped under the carpet!

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Recipe Chronicle – Week 1

I promised one of my friends that I would write a chronicle of recipes starting last Friday – as usual with blogs I put it off for a bit. Here’s one of my favourite dishes because it’s highly vesatile.

Penne Al’matriciana

What you’ll need

  • I diced onion
  • 3 cloves of minced/chopped garlic
  • 1 tbs olive oil
  • Bacon (diced) If you’re vegetarian or don’t like bacon – leave it out. You could also use chicken or any other meat.
  • I large red capsicum
  • 1-2 red chillies diced – this isn’t a necessity
  • 2 tins of tomatoes – you can use the real ones but these can the dish a lot of flavour and sweetness
  • 2 tbs tomato paste
  • A few chopped basil leaves – too many overpowers
  • Lots of spinach leaves – these babies pack in iron and omega 3s which contain high-density lipoprotein or “good” cholesterol which in turn helps lower bad low-density lipoprotein or “bad cholesterol and they add a great texture and a colour other than red. If you don’t wish to add them to the dish simply serve the pasta on a bed of raw spinach. I’m one of those people that loves the texture of wilted spinach.
  • Wholegrain pasta
  • Pepper and salt to taste

Remember if you don’t like something or want to add other things that’s great! Imagination beats knowledge remember.

1. Fry off the onion, garlic, chili and bacon until soft in the oil then add the capsicum and fry for a further few minutes on high heat

2. Add the tomato and paste, basil and spinach if desired and simmer on low heat for about half an hour – the longer the better though. Taste religiously to see if it needs any salt and pepper.

3. Cook the pasta in boiling water, drain and mix in with the sauce.

4. I forget to mention good quality parmesan cheese if desired.

I hope you enjoy!

 

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G’day, everyone! How’s life treating you this exam period. I had my first on today, bioscience 1 (double unit). I thought this week we could talk about anxiety. Last night I had a headache, well more like a box jellyfish had gotten inside my skull and stung my brain. It was really painful. I’d been getting mini headaches a few days prior but this was the mother of all pain.

http://www.amputee-coalition.org/inmotion/may_jun_07/phantom_pain2-02.jpg

So what did I do? Well first of all I drank a lot of water and ate. When that didn’t help I went to bed, but the headache was splitting my head in two. Mum called from Hobart and suggested I ask a neighbour for a painkiller. I debated this for an hour but finally – I gathered my courgage and asked Jose (pronounced Hoe-zay) for a painkiller. He gave me one very kindly and the headache was gone within twenty minutes.

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Meaning that I was free to go to sleep – yay!

So why was I in so much pain? I have a suspicion it was was anxiety about this exam. I’ve had symptoms before, but I’ll spare you the details. Anxiety affects your whole body. So what can you do about it? Normally I like a bath (sorry to be TMI!) to soak in or I’ll read a book unrelated to study. What do you like to do to relieve stress?

We are the creators of our destiny, don’t let someone create it for you

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My Apologies

My deepest apologies goes to those people who read my blog. I know it seemed dead there for a while . . . okay, okay, close to a year – give or take. However I was sitting down here – meant to be studying – when I thought of what I could do to procrastinate, my blog:-)

The topic of discussion today is (drumroll please) nasty guys. Now I know that I’m no man-magnet but I’ve had my fair share of awful boyfriends: a psychopath/stalker, a sex-addict and someone with autistic hypersensitivity issues. For the purpose of confidentiality, none shall be named.

I’m neither fully romance orientated – aka Shakespeare – nor none all, I’m somewhere in the middle. But what I standby is that wherever my soulmate is – he’ll be in love with my flaws and accept me for me. None of the boys above have. I hope one day there’ll see how much hurt they caused but until then I’ll live in hope.

I know I want a man that I feel comfortable eating in front of, telling lame jokes that he finds hilarious and lastly someone who I can tell about my stories who won’t think I’m boring him. I know he’s out there, maybe I’ll just have to sail the world to find him.

Now over to you guys: where should you meet your soulmate? Facebook, the library, a bar? Personally I think the second one:)

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Exercising

Howdy everyone!

So I’ve been trying to think up a good subject for my next post and I decided on telling you a bit about how my fitness regimen’s going. Remember how I told you I was going to take up swimming again? Well I didn’t really have the self-confidence to do it so my doctor referred me to an exercise physiologist – CRASHCOURSE: That’s like a personal trainer (PT) who specialises in body science as well.

Anyway I started last Wednesday at The Wrest Point Casino, Healthy Training Gym – near the Boardwalk. Christina, the PT, she looked like a barbie doll – the stereotypical PT and me being the, self-admittedly, judgemental person that I am – thought she would keel over and die when she saw my weight on the scale (I know I wanted to) but she didn’t, in fact she was actually quite mature and nice about it and made the reality so much easier to deal with.

So Christina’s drawn me up a nice, little program that I take with me to Zap Kingston most days.

When I saw her again the Wednesday just gone I got really disheartened because I’d actually put on two kilos – not lost it. However with her trusty scales I discovered I’d put on two kilos of muscle and lost a bit of fat!! I was so excited:D One of the most important things Christina taught me is that because people feel self-conscious in gyms – mainly women -they tend to stay on the cardio equipment – CRASHCOURSE: Treadmill, bike, cross-trainer and rower. When they should be spending a lot more time on the muscle-strengthening equipment: weights, ball, mat etc as they are what burn calories when you’re not exercising. Let me tell you – I was like that before I saw a PT, but now I know, I actually enjoy muscle-strengthening exercises more:D

My biggest tip is not to let the scales define you – just because you mightn’t see a change in the number after a week, or you’ve seen an increase, doesn’t mean your body’s not thanking you.

Thoughts?

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Prologue of latest work

Hello everybody!! I thought I’d give you a taster of my latest work – The prologue. I haven’t figured out a title yet so I’ll give it a tentative one The Pain Killer. I’m sorry if some of the language is full of medical jargon – but it is adult fiction and any questions don’t hesitate to ask:) Oh and it’s got multiple voices – this is the main character.

Karen

The first time I nearly lost my son he was three. He’d climbed into my bed, after a bad dream, and the electric blanket on my husband’s side of the bed had been left on when he’d gone to work at nightshift. My son wet the bed and there’s no need to explain what happened next. I woke up just after he’d received the shock.

I got him to hospital just in time for the doctor to save his life. I remembered thinking how lucky I was; how close I was to burying my baby in the ground; how I’d never let that happen to him again . . . I was wrong. A year later I started to notice that he was drinking more; eating more; urinating more and sleeping all day until one day I found him having a seizure. Waiting for it to pass and rolling him onto his side I called an ambulance. A few hours and tests later he was diagnosed with diabetes mellitis; that his pancreas was incapable of producing the insulin he needed to survive and that without lifelong treatment he would die.

Thirteen years on and I still have to force Reece to inject himself; watch his diet; watch his lifestyle – but I never thought my next child, who’d never had a cold, would be hit with something that makes your insides crawl even more than a diabetic seizure – at least then I knew what to do.

What do you think?

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Survey

I’m really sorry I’m not more regular at this everyone, but I decided today I’d give you a taste of me in a composed survey!

What do you miss most about being a kid?

I have 2 answers. The first is not having to conform to a norm, for example, ‘all kids should drink and party’ and ‘all girls should wear makeup and dresses’ ‘every kid should mingle’ that kind of thing – I defy all that. The other is the disappointment that comes with realising that Santa is not real. I believed till I was 10 – my mother was adamant on that.

Do you believe in heaven?

Yeah, I like to imagine our souls fly around up there waiting to be attached to a body which happens when two people conceive a baby. I know that was a My Sister’s Keeper idea originally but I feel it has some logic to it.

What’s the ‘lowest’ thing you’ve ever done?

When I was seven, me and a few cousins were at the casino for a family gathering and thought it would be fun to take coins from the Make-A-Wish-Foundation pond. I know, how vile but we did get caught and it’s stayed with me like a birth mark.

What do you hate?

Poverty, inequality, bullying, childhood cancer, animal cruelty, suicide.

On a happier note, what do you love?

Spring, rain, the beach, chocolate – although it makes me sluggish – my friends, my mother and sister, my control over mental illness, the fact we have the ability to house a child and feed him or her from our own bodies.

What is something you will never understand?

Why gay marriage isn’t legal – I mean, come on, Australia! I’m not gay but neither are most of the people in the telephone polls who agree with it.

What are you reading at the moment?

Second Glance by Jodi Picoult. I have a weakness for ghosts as a theme.

What’s your favourite dish?

Thai Green Curry – incredible!

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